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Ugly Resume |
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Instead of showing you a few ugly resumes, we thought it would be more fun to show you many really “ugly” and amazingly true responses from resumes and cover letters. Identities of the respondents have been excluded...as to not embarrass them!
From the Cover Letter
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
“Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and don’t come cheap.”
“I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job hopping.’ I have never quit a job.”
“Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
“Number of dependents: 40.”
“Marital status: Often. Children: Various.”
Reason for Leaving the Last Job
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
“The company made me a scapegoat—just like my three previous employers.”
Job Responsibility
“While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to as least partially incorporate the experienced heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typing Award.”
Special Requests and Job Objectives
“Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”
“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
Physical Disabilities
“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”
Personal Interests
“Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”
Small Typo’s Than Can Change the Meaning
“Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.”
“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
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